Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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