I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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