That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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