The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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