I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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