Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
