I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I believe in your delicious
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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