My first STD was from a foam party
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
