Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
