So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
