Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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