nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
