I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
