Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I just sharted jello shots
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
