Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
