My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
