some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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