I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
