I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
