he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And then he peed in my hair
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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