What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sober January is a disaster.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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