can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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