The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You can't motorboat a personality
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
