went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
