dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
