Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dicks are not precious.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
