I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Panties = found
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
