Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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