i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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