remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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