I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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