Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have already put on my inside pants.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
