Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
