Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
