Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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