Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
