wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
