Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
