Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
...so i touched it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
