The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
