Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
