Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
