There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
