Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
