apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
