6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
