My hand turned me down
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
