I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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