You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Terrible idea I love it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
