READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
