So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
