even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
