If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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