Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
