Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
