Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
