Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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