Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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