She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
